"I Was Here All Along, Watching You Fight"
Wednesday of the Fifth Week of Lent – March 25, 2015
Antony of Egypt was the first of the Desert Christians. I related some of Antony’s story in the first days of this year’s Lenten devotionals, so I won’t repeat his life story here. But it is important to know that 36 years elapsed from the time of Antony’s first entry into the desert to attend to his life with God, until the days when he took disciples (novices) whom he would mentor as a spiritual father (Abba). 20 of those years were spent in extreme solitude and silence, as Antony’s life was formed by the discipline and wisdom of the wilderness.
Bishop Athanasius of Alexandria, a friend and student of Antony’s, wrote The Life of Antony in order to record some of Antony’s experiences from the desert. He writes a great deal about Antony’s struggles in the desert, the daily battles Antony engaged with the darkness within himself, as well as with demonic forces.
During one extended period of time, Antony’s struggle with the dark forces was especially brutal. He would be bloodied and bruised from the daily fighting, as if pummeled by a muscled human. Occasionally, those who came to his cell bringing food would find him lying on the floor unconscious, beaten to a pulp. Whenever others tried to talk him into giving up the fight and opting for an easier life, Antony insisted on returning to the place of the struggle.
One day, during particularly ferocious attacks by the dark forces, Antony began mocking the darkness. Though wounded and in pain, he taunted the darkness as weak and unable to break him. He claimed that “the Lord has broken your strength . . . for faith in our Lord is for us a seal and a wall of protection,” though he stood in that place bloodied and in pain.
Athanasius writes that on this occasion, God noticed Antony’s wrestling and came to his aid. Antony looked up, saw the roof being opened, and a beam of light descending upon him. The demons fled at the light, and at the same time, the pain in Antony’s body left in an instant. The small cell, which had been the setting for the intense battle, was once more intact.
Antony became aware that he was receiving God’s assistance and began breathing more easily, relieved from his sufferings. Then, as if it just occurred to him, he asked, “Where have you been, Lord?”
He heard God answer, “I’ve been here all along, Antony.”
“Then why didn’t you intervene from the beginning, so that you could stop all my distress?”
“I was here, Antony, but I waited to watch you fight. And since you persevered and did not give up, I will be your helper forever, and I will make you famous everywhere.”
[Athanasius, The Life of Antony, pp. 37 – 39]
Antony of Egypt was the first of the Desert Christians. I related some of Antony’s story in the first days of this year’s Lenten devotionals, so I won’t repeat his life story here. But it is important to know that 36 years elapsed from the time of Antony’s first entry into the desert to attend to his life with God, until the days when he took disciples (novices) whom he would mentor as a spiritual father (Abba). 20 of those years were spent in extreme solitude and silence, as Antony’s life was formed by the discipline and wisdom of the wilderness.
Bishop Athanasius of Alexandria, a friend and student of Antony’s, wrote The Life of Antony in order to record some of Antony’s experiences from the desert. He writes a great deal about Antony’s struggles in the desert, the daily battles Antony engaged with the darkness within himself, as well as with demonic forces.
During one extended period of time, Antony’s struggle with the dark forces was especially brutal. He would be bloodied and bruised from the daily fighting, as if pummeled by a muscled human. Occasionally, those who came to his cell bringing food would find him lying on the floor unconscious, beaten to a pulp. Whenever others tried to talk him into giving up the fight and opting for an easier life, Antony insisted on returning to the place of the struggle.
One day, during particularly ferocious attacks by the dark forces, Antony began mocking the darkness. Though wounded and in pain, he taunted the darkness as weak and unable to break him. He claimed that “the Lord has broken your strength . . . for faith in our Lord is for us a seal and a wall of protection,” though he stood in that place bloodied and in pain.
Athanasius writes that on this occasion, God noticed Antony’s wrestling and came to his aid. Antony looked up, saw the roof being opened, and a beam of light descending upon him. The demons fled at the light, and at the same time, the pain in Antony’s body left in an instant. The small cell, which had been the setting for the intense battle, was once more intact.
Antony became aware that he was receiving God’s assistance and began breathing more easily, relieved from his sufferings. Then, as if it just occurred to him, he asked, “Where have you been, Lord?”
He heard God answer, “I’ve been here all along, Antony.”
“Then why didn’t you intervene from the beginning, so that you could stop all my distress?”
“I was here, Antony, but I waited to watch you fight. And since you persevered and did not give up, I will be your helper forever, and I will make you famous everywhere.”
[Athanasius, The Life of Antony, pp. 37 – 39]
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