Receiving Gifts
Monday of Holy Week
Daily Reading: John 12:1 – 11
Focus Passage:
Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus' honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (Jn. 12:1 – 3)
As a young man in the ministry, I was convinced that I could save the world, and that I would do so single-handedly. I worked tirelessly, spending myself and doing for others in both official and unofficial capacities.
I noticed early on, though, that when someone showed me kindness, gave a gift of appreciation to me, or paid me a compliment, I didn’t receive it well. I would say things like, “I don’t really deserve this,” or “It wasn’t really me.” Sometimes I would think, “If you knew what really went on behind the scenes, you wouldn’t be expressing this appreciation.”
The truth was that I had an unbelievably hard time accepting gifts from others. I always found a way to diminish someone else’s expression of graciousness toward me.
An older couple who had served churches in vocational ministry for many years finally pulled me aside. It was the wife who first said to me, “Jerry, you need to learn how to receive a gift. Just say, ‘Thank you.’ That’s all you need to do.”
Later, her husband shared the same counsel with me.
It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn. My old ways were hard-wired inside me. I still wanted to diminish the affirmations others offered me. Or I shifted the credit when someone complimented me or gave me a gift. My programmed responses were hard to unlearn.
Years later, as I continued to struggle at receiving gifts, a wise spiritual director helped me see my resistance to gifts as an expression of a prideful spirit, a kind of egotism that elevates one’s own work, while diminishing the gratitude others express for it. It becomes an inflated way of staying one-up on everyone around you, while operating out of a kind of pseudo-humility.
Many of us find it difficult to receive gifts or affirmations. We subconsciously make gift-giving about deserving, and we don’t feel we measure up. My mentors reminded me that when I dismissed someone’s gift to me, I diminished the gift. By challenging their gift to me, I implicitly said to them, “You misread the situation. Your judgment must be faulty, because I haven’t done anything to deserve the praise or the gift you offered me. And besides, I’m so humble I don’t really need your gift.” Sheesh!! What arrogance!!
Remarkably, in a gift truly given there is no sense of deserving, merit, or worthiness about them. A true gift is given without strings, totally on its own merit.
Today, Monday of Holy Week, we continue to move with Jesus toward Jerusalem and the Cross. On his way to Golgotha, a woman named Mary breaks a costly bottle of perfume and anoints Jesus with it. The act is ridiculously extravagant, over-the-top. We expect a rebuke from Jesus; instead, he blesses her. The woman is not reprimanded; to the contrary, she is lifted up as a model of someone who helps prepare Jesus for his death. She gives Jesus a huge gift in these last days of his life. She cares for him tenderly.
The best part is that Jesus received the gift. He took it into himself. He didn’t push her away in false humility or diminish her gift; rather, he received her anointing for his last hours. It helped prepare him for his death and burial. As he received her gift, it opened Mary to see herself as valued and deeply loved . . . a gift she sorely needed, according to tradition.
Be mindful of the gifts you receive this week. Be aware of your inner resistance to receiving what others offer to you. You receive not because you deserve to receive. This is not a worthiness contest. You are given whatever you have because God is gracious . . . and because good-hearted people are generous.
For Reflection:
Be alert to what you receive today. Receive graciously. Try not to fixate on your unworthiness, but rather on gratitude to God for the kindness of others.
Don’t think too much about yourself. Just enter the Grand Flow of receiving and giving which is at the heart of what God is doing in the world.
Daily Reading: John 12:1 – 11
Focus Passage:
Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus' honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (Jn. 12:1 – 3)
As a young man in the ministry, I was convinced that I could save the world, and that I would do so single-handedly. I worked tirelessly, spending myself and doing for others in both official and unofficial capacities.
I noticed early on, though, that when someone showed me kindness, gave a gift of appreciation to me, or paid me a compliment, I didn’t receive it well. I would say things like, “I don’t really deserve this,” or “It wasn’t really me.” Sometimes I would think, “If you knew what really went on behind the scenes, you wouldn’t be expressing this appreciation.”
The truth was that I had an unbelievably hard time accepting gifts from others. I always found a way to diminish someone else’s expression of graciousness toward me.
An older couple who had served churches in vocational ministry for many years finally pulled me aside. It was the wife who first said to me, “Jerry, you need to learn how to receive a gift. Just say, ‘Thank you.’ That’s all you need to do.”
Later, her husband shared the same counsel with me.
It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn. My old ways were hard-wired inside me. I still wanted to diminish the affirmations others offered me. Or I shifted the credit when someone complimented me or gave me a gift. My programmed responses were hard to unlearn.
Years later, as I continued to struggle at receiving gifts, a wise spiritual director helped me see my resistance to gifts as an expression of a prideful spirit, a kind of egotism that elevates one’s own work, while diminishing the gratitude others express for it. It becomes an inflated way of staying one-up on everyone around you, while operating out of a kind of pseudo-humility.
Many of us find it difficult to receive gifts or affirmations. We subconsciously make gift-giving about deserving, and we don’t feel we measure up. My mentors reminded me that when I dismissed someone’s gift to me, I diminished the gift. By challenging their gift to me, I implicitly said to them, “You misread the situation. Your judgment must be faulty, because I haven’t done anything to deserve the praise or the gift you offered me. And besides, I’m so humble I don’t really need your gift.” Sheesh!! What arrogance!!
Remarkably, in a gift truly given there is no sense of deserving, merit, or worthiness about them. A true gift is given without strings, totally on its own merit.
Today, Monday of Holy Week, we continue to move with Jesus toward Jerusalem and the Cross. On his way to Golgotha, a woman named Mary breaks a costly bottle of perfume and anoints Jesus with it. The act is ridiculously extravagant, over-the-top. We expect a rebuke from Jesus; instead, he blesses her. The woman is not reprimanded; to the contrary, she is lifted up as a model of someone who helps prepare Jesus for his death. She gives Jesus a huge gift in these last days of his life. She cares for him tenderly.
The best part is that Jesus received the gift. He took it into himself. He didn’t push her away in false humility or diminish her gift; rather, he received her anointing for his last hours. It helped prepare him for his death and burial. As he received her gift, it opened Mary to see herself as valued and deeply loved . . . a gift she sorely needed, according to tradition.
Be mindful of the gifts you receive this week. Be aware of your inner resistance to receiving what others offer to you. You receive not because you deserve to receive. This is not a worthiness contest. You are given whatever you have because God is gracious . . . and because good-hearted people are generous.
For Reflection:
Be alert to what you receive today. Receive graciously. Try not to fixate on your unworthiness, but rather on gratitude to God for the kindness of others.
Don’t think too much about yourself. Just enter the Grand Flow of receiving and giving which is at the heart of what God is doing in the world.
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