A Healthy Balance of Solitude and Community
Wednesday of Holy Week – April 1, 2015
AMMA SYNCLETICA said, “We should always be discreet, remaining a part of the community rather than following our own desires. We are exiles from the world. We devote ourselves to faith in God. We have no need of the things we have abandoned. In the world, we had status and a wide variety of food. Here we have a little to eat and not much of anything else.”
[Bernard Bangley, By Way of the Desert, p. 3]
I am highly introverted by nature. I prefer a corner of the room and a good book to a lot of conversation. Often, I’m slow to respond in conversation or when asked for my opinion. My opinions do not form by speaking them – as with many extraverts – but by thinking about them, slowly letting them gestate within me.
[I once heard a young adult talk about dating someone who was high introvertly. She said that in the course of normal conversation, he would go silent . . . then several days later, he would pick up the conversation from that silent point where they left off. She, being an extravert, became very frustrated, thinking, “We’ve moved on since then!” But he, as an introvert, was simply processing and reflecting before putting himself out there. I don’t think the relationship lasted all that long!]
I know something of this tension. I have close friends who are extraverts, who want to talk things out and have conversations about important issues. They need that interaction. I, on the other hand, find myself wanting to find a quiet place to reflect, to meditate, to listen for some solitary wisdom.
It has taken me long years to know the wisdom of Amma Syncletica’s admonition to remain a part of community “rather than following my own desires.” There are many times when I’m tempted simply to follow my own desires, or what I sense to be God’s desires for me. It is my growing edge to remain in community, to stay in relationships, even those that challenge me and are difficult for me.
German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his spiritual classic, Life Together, wrote beautifully about this tension. He encouraged those who love being with others to beware of too much community . . . and those who love being alone to beware of too much solitude. The extravert needs solitude and the introvert needs community. Both are necessary for a growing life in God.
Wherever we fall on the introvert/extravert scale, we need to nurture the virtue and the wisdom of the other path.
AMMA SYNCLETICA said, “We should always be discreet, remaining a part of the community rather than following our own desires. We are exiles from the world. We devote ourselves to faith in God. We have no need of the things we have abandoned. In the world, we had status and a wide variety of food. Here we have a little to eat and not much of anything else.”
[Bernard Bangley, By Way of the Desert, p. 3]
I am highly introverted by nature. I prefer a corner of the room and a good book to a lot of conversation. Often, I’m slow to respond in conversation or when asked for my opinion. My opinions do not form by speaking them – as with many extraverts – but by thinking about them, slowly letting them gestate within me.
[I once heard a young adult talk about dating someone who was high introvertly. She said that in the course of normal conversation, he would go silent . . . then several days later, he would pick up the conversation from that silent point where they left off. She, being an extravert, became very frustrated, thinking, “We’ve moved on since then!” But he, as an introvert, was simply processing and reflecting before putting himself out there. I don’t think the relationship lasted all that long!]
I know something of this tension. I have close friends who are extraverts, who want to talk things out and have conversations about important issues. They need that interaction. I, on the other hand, find myself wanting to find a quiet place to reflect, to meditate, to listen for some solitary wisdom.
It has taken me long years to know the wisdom of Amma Syncletica’s admonition to remain a part of community “rather than following my own desires.” There are many times when I’m tempted simply to follow my own desires, or what I sense to be God’s desires for me. It is my growing edge to remain in community, to stay in relationships, even those that challenge me and are difficult for me.
German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his spiritual classic, Life Together, wrote beautifully about this tension. He encouraged those who love being with others to beware of too much community . . . and those who love being alone to beware of too much solitude. The extravert needs solitude and the introvert needs community. Both are necessary for a growing life in God.
Wherever we fall on the introvert/extravert scale, we need to nurture the virtue and the wisdom of the other path.
Comments
Post a Comment